TV Reviews

Bachelorette 2018 – My ‘meet the men’ judgements

BRING ON THE MEN!

Everyone is excited.

I’m excited. My friends are excited. Ellen’s Staff is excited…

Below is my in-depth, highly scientific analysis of the men of the bachelorette 2018 edition…

Meet the Men

JASON
29, Seattle, WA
Sr. Corporate Banker

He has a secret handshake. Cute. You are wonderful.  He gets a rose.

TRENT
28, Naples, FL
Realtor

He legitimately died. He got a rose.

CHASE
27, Sanford, FL
Advertising VP

So another final rose girl. But he’s not here for the ‘right reasons’. Chris and Chase are going to have a little showdown, they bring in Becca. Turns out he’s ‘not that guy’.

Guess what – he doesn’t get a rose. “Big” surprise.

CONNOR
25, St. Petersburg, FL
Fitness Coach

He’s so cute. Great style etc. But no bio pack. He’s the first to go down on one knee. He’s also 25…is he ready for this? Another do the damn thing reference. He’s the last in limo 1.

He grabs her first. He sword cuts champagne. He’s confident. It’s very attractive. He’s so young though… I don’t know.

He gets a rose. I might put him on my fantasy pool team.

JEAN BLANC
31, Pensacola, FL
Colognoisseur

So we’re really into fragrances. I feel like he would smell like a Sephora. He teaches her french – ‘Let’s do the damn thing’. His French is not great.

Gives her an engraved candle. He gets a rose.

LINCOLN
26, Los Angeles, CA
Account Sales Executive

We learn that he’s nigeran in his bio pack- we also learn that he’s insanely fit. We also met him at the After the Last Rose show.  He gives her a bracelet. It’s cute.
He gets a rose.
In the season pack – he gets called out as ‘not here for the right reasons’.

CLAY
30, Chicago, IL
Pro Football Player

So Clay is athletic. We’re doing his bio first. This means he’s going to be here for a while. They bring out his grandmother and family – if we are already meeting the family another good sign. My roommate thinks his face is crooked, I think he’s kind of cute 🙂

She’d be the biggest catch of his life. Cheesy. The roomie also thinks he’s going to fall real hard real fast.

He brings her out during the party to play with clay. Cheesy. But the conversation here is really good. I’m into it. I would be there.  I think he has lots of potential.

He gets a rose. Another one for the fantasy pool 10/10.

GRANT
27, Danville, CA
Electrician

No bio pack. He has a lot of ‘respect’ for her. So boring. But cute…

He doesn’t get a rose. That’s sad.

JOHN
28, San Francisco, CA
Software Engineer

Cute – he’s very nerdy. Very awkward but I hope he sticks around for a bit.

He gets a rose.

DAVID
25, Denver, CO
Venture Capitalist

beCCA. Not here to ruffle feathers and build an egg-cellent relationship. The chicken is fucking lame. But he makes Jordan mad so I’m into it.

He is also young. I like how he is trying to be fun… but cut out the puns.

He got a rose. He’s on the team.

JORDAN
26, Crystal River, FL
Male Model

So this guy is full of himself. “The power is in the brows” – you are too much. It’s “taxing” to listen to you talk. Jordan might be the villain.

He gets out of the limo and takes a moment to get himself ready. He wanted her to hear his shoes. He’s very superficial. Shut up about the clothing.

He just has an A+ shitty attitude. So he gets a rose.

In the season preview – he looks like great TV.

CHRISTIAN
28, San Diego, CA
Banker

He tried. The dancing was a cute idea. He made zero mark. So no rose.

GARRETT
29, Reno, NV
Medical Sales Rep

K – so his photo is great. 10/10 exactly my type. However… his bio pack is awful. I have no idea who the genuine Garrett is.

He shows up in a minivan. Great call. Being a good dad and husband with his minivan. Smooth move buddy.

He’s taking her fishing. He reminds her of home… she’s in love with him.

I would argue that I am also very into this outdoorsman.

He got the first impression rose. Solid choice Becca…. until we found out that he has a bit of a shitty social media history. Whatever… he’s on my team.

KAMIL
30, Monroe, NY
Social Media Participant

Wants to meet her half way. 60/40. He’s cut.

No rose. Obviously.

COLTON
26, Denver, CO
Former Pro Football Player

He was born on Super Bowl Sunday. Had an injury, left football. He’s got a cute cousin with CP – so he started a charity. Plus he has a dog. He’s freaking cute. He’s the first out of the limo. He’s getting it poppin. Starting it off with a bang. That’s a way to make an entrance.

He’s so cute – Becca is swooning. He gets a rose. I’d put him on my team this year.

JOE
31, Chicago, IL
Grocery Store Owner

So Joe might be the best in the first wave. “The only first I haven’t produced yet is love” – he’s so cute. His voice is just so addictive.

I just love him. He’s so awkward but I think he’s great. He’d marry her!

They look like they have such a connection. I’m very into this.

He doesn’t get a rose. This is her BIGGEST mistake. But Joe… call me 🙂

ALEX
31, Atlanta, GA
Construction Manager

He also didn’t get any time. But he got a rose.

CHRISTON
31, Los Angeles, CA
Former Harlem Globetrotter

1- why is your background colour different? I have a lot of questions for the casting team. Someone totally dropped out and this guy is your replacement… that must have been DRAMA for your team.

2 – He’s cute.

3 – They are playing basketball and doing all the Harlem Globetrotter tricks. All the guys come out to see it and then they all play basketball.

4 – He gets a rose.

BLAKE
28, Bailey, CO
Sales Rep

He showed up with the horse on the After the Last rose. Now he has a bull. Like becca said – what is with all these Animals. Becca remembers him. I think he’s kind of cute – but I think he’s really awkward… tbd if he’ll be friendzone.
However, we’re holding hands by the fire connecting about how they just ‘get each other’.
He gets a rose. He also gets a spot on the team.

JAKE
29, Minneapolis, MN
Marketing Consultant

She KNOWS him! What a small world… Casting team did this on purpose.

She’s kicking him out – that’s bullshit. I’m not into this. This is very bad logic. However… as telling him to get out, he’s not looking great. He does not come across well. He’s angry and it’s giving the bachelor team an opportunity to do some editing.

WILLS
29, Los Angeles, CA
Graphic Designer

He’s a closet nerd. Sure sure bud. BUT THEN – he whips out his harry potter tattoo and that makes me very happy.

He gets a rose.

DARIUS
26, Sherman Oaks, CA
Pharmaceutical Sales Rep

Another after the last rose guy – but nothing much here.  He doesn’t get a rose.

NICK
27, Orlando, FL
Attorney

Shows up in a race-car outfit. He’s normally good at opening statements – but buddy. This is shit. He gets a rose. He’ll get cut soon tho.

CHRIS R.
30, Orlando, FL
Sales Trainer

He brought friends to help to win her family over – aka a lovely little gospel choir. Now they are dancing – it’s way too cheesy but I’m slightly into it.

He tells her the story about his grandparents, he holds her hand. I’m into it.

He gets a rose. I think he’ll go midway and then get cut on a two-on-one.

RICKEY
27, San Diego, CA
IT Consultant

We didn’t even get to meet him properly because jordan was going on about his grey suit. He made zero impression on me.  He gets a rose.

MIKE
27, Cincinnati, OH
Sports Analyst

Why did you bring the Arie poster? That is SO beyond weird. Why would you do that? So he could see her happy. Nope. You are cute – but not great.  He gets a rose.

LEO
31, Studio City, CA
Stuntman

Just let our hair down. I’m not into it. He gets a rose. I think he’ll get cut soon.

RYAN
26, Manhattan Beach, CA
Banjoist

The final After the Last Rose guy – I really like Ryan. He’s cute. 

He gets a rose. I think he’s a dark horse.

Don’t like my opinions… listen to Jimmy’s:

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